Crafting a [healthy] relationship with social
Behind the scenes, I’ve been working on Some Things. Some minute - everyday - just needs to be handled things and also tackling some Giants. I’ve been spending time on where One-OneThousand has been and where it’s headed. On reconciling the community and experiences I just simply want to exist and the problems that just need to be solved with what actually brings me joy to do.
I know January is a time for this. For hibernation - reflection - intention setting. People lean inward, exploring what was and what they want to be true for the new year. There’s so much to appreciate about this process like the ways turning in helps you see what’s There. What that feeling in the pit of your stomach is, why you jump for joy when a certain door is opened and why your body feels tired/on fire or aching/strong.
But there’s this other side I’ve been noticing, too. There’s this shared sense of inadequacy, resentment, failure, emptiness and unrest. Politics aside, this feeling runs even deeper. It comes from each of us living an alternate reality of what the algorithms choose to serve up to us - fed to us over and over from our private addictions to seeking to be seen and understood in an online world.
It feels conflicting to me to be building a business based on values of consciously consuming, celebrating in-person experiences, finding ways to make people feel seen and welcomed in, creating a home & life that is rich with stories, energy exchange and deep connection. And then spend so much of my time agonizing over creating content - crafting the perfect and most magical story - comparing how I measure up - just keeping up in this other world when I’m actually doing so much in the real world.
Frankly, it feels terrible. Icky. Void. I hate myself when I feel a spike of “okay it worked, I’M okay” with each like. Most times I actually never know what to write on someone else’s post to “engage” - that space feels too small to express the currents inside.
I often feel like an asshole, resenting all the progress others are making while I’m just over here failing and sucking when really what my true self longs for is creating and putting out abundant vibrations of yay okays - go get ‘em tigers - you are so good just as you are - many things are possible - you’re really doing this - what beauty we have in and around us! Overall, it feels like something really special - something deep and storied - gets completely lost in the translation from the core of my business - community - self to this constant, blithering stream.
I don’t think I quite know how to truly break this cycle for myself YET but I do know I want something more. Something better aligned with my true self as well as my business brand. I want something bigger and less confining than the size of my phone. I want more of touch, smell and surround sound rather than flat screens and artificial light. Which is all really about what a handcrafted lifestyle is all about.
I think this will come through strong in the choices I’m making on what I will focus on and offer through One-OneThousand this year. And I’m still in the process of crafting my own relationship with social that feels Just Right for who I am, what I want to experience and what I want to contribute to the world.
If you’re in the messy middle of figuring this too, here are a few ideas on how you can start to make a shift:
Get a reality check. Watch or listen to this teaching & meditation on Fear of Failure (FOF) & Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) by one of my favorites, Tara Brach. If you’re a small biz owner, check out this episode of Keeping Shop on burnout and business owners as REAL PEOPLE.
Clarify the purpose of social in your life. Bring a deep awareness of what drives your use of social and when ego steps in. Start by paying attention to the feelings you have when you’re scrolling or interacting. Notice what brings you joy and what keeps you small. Get really clear on how this serves your life. Then develop your own intention with how you’ll use this tool versus letting the corporation behind it train us. Ie your Instagram - Facebook - Twitter personal manifesto.
Marie Kondo your follow list. There are other ways to show support or stay in the know. Go through and cull it down to a list that brings you the good feelings when you scroll it. It doesn't have to mean anything about the person you followed/unfollowed, it’s simply about You and what you need to do to work through Yourself without distractions. Or be real brave and bring it down to zero like Gretchen Jones so you can work with blinders on for awhile and get space to explore your own sense of self and experience online for awhile.
Create good vibrations. Identify three things you can implement now to make this shift. Maybe sending direct messages of positivity and support without expectation to folks who are on the “brings me joy” list. Or drastically cutting down your usage. Or developing your own mini campaigns that force you to shift the content you’re participating in or contributing to the world.